This year’s Father’s Day sermon at my home church was particularly impactful for me. Pastor Brian outlined his “Keys to Successful Parenting.” As the title suggests, this sermon was targeted toward parents. However, I interpreted the sermon from my perspective as a young adult seeking to continually improve my relationship with my parents. Instead of thinking of how my parents could improve, I thought of the sermon as “Keys to Successful Parent-Child Relationships”.
In the first 18 years of a child’s life, the onus of family building falls mostly on the parents. However, once children move out of the home and gain independence as adults, children play a much larger role in maintaining a strong family unit. I have adopted the key principles from my pastor’s message to align with my thoughts on how adult children, myself included, can strengthen our relationships with parents.
1. Children should not aggravate their parents
The Bible says that fathers should not aggravate their children. I think that the reverse is also true.
There are definitely going to be instances where you will disagree with your parents on life matters, but in that discord, there should always be a baseline of respect. Maintaining respectful interactions with parents goes a long way in relationship building.
2. Keep Christ at the center
The Bible emphasizes the importance of parents exposing their children to the Word of God. Growing up (and still to this day) my parents always used the Bible to answer questions that I had or to help me to navigate challenges. By putting Christ and His model of perfection at the center of our relationship, my parents allowed me to see them as flawed individuals who are working to be better day by day.
3. Display affection
I grew up knowing that my parents loved me immensely and that they would do anything for me. To this day, I reciprocate that level of love toward them. But even though love was present in our home, something about our Caribbean culture made outward affection less prominent in day-to-day experiences. So after this year’s Father’s Day sermon, it was amazing to sit down with my family and talk about how we can all do better at outwardly expressing our love for each other. Outward affection through hugs and verbal affirmations, for example, is a great way to strengthen bonds between parents and children. I plan to incorportate these a lot more.
4. Spend time together
I’d say that spending time with parents is definitely one of the biggest keys to building successful relationships with parents. As adults, we often move far away from where our parents live or we just get so busy that we don’t see them regularly. If you’re not the best at keeping in touch it can be hard to truly grow your relationship with your parents over time. Even if you need to virtually spend time with your parents via phone calls or video messaging, it helps to allow your parents to be part of your experiences, whether on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. I've also found that praying with and for my parents has been a great way to connect with them.
Conclusion
So far, I’ve found these principles to be rather helpful for me as I continue to work towards bettering my relationship with my parents now that I’m almost a decade into adulthood. The most helpful has probably been the principle of displaying affection. It’s easy to assume that the people we love know how we feel about them, but I’ve found it super helpful to make sure to express my affection to my family. Is there a specific principle you’ll try in your own life? Leave a comment below to let me know!
Peace and blessings,
Atasha Jordan, MD (to be)
