A lot of folks have mentioned to me lately that I seem really happy. Some have asked if it’s genuine joy or happiness presented “for the ‘gram.” Well, to clear up any confusion: I am, indeed, quite happy! This doesn’t mean that everything in my life is perfect. But despite that, I’ve chosen to be happy on purpose.
What does it mean to be happy on purpose?
The mantra “be happy on purpose” sounds nice, but what does it actually mean?
I see purposeful happiness as a strategy of aligning my thoughts and behaviors to create the emotion that I desire: happiness. If you want to learn more about the psychology behind this, I go into detail about the relationship between behavior, thoughts, and emotions, in this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Triangle series.
WHERE DOES MY HAPPINESS COME FROM?
When I reflect on this new journey of purposeful happiness, I realize that my happiness is rooted in my relationship with Christ. I’ve become more purposeful about praying and checking with my spirit as I experience different things in life. This has helped me to remain joyous even when things are tough. This might be hard to understand, especially if you’re not Christian. So, I’ll also speak more specifically to how I adjust my thoughts and behaviors to achieve the happiness that I seek.
To be happy on purpose, first I focus on my thoughts. In general, I tend to skew more negative than positive in my thought processes. I usually prepare for the worse while hoping for the best. But now, I actively recognize the moments when I’m spiraling in negative thoughts. Most of the time, the “what if” scenarios that I envision have a .0001% chance of ever happening. So, instead of being focused on negativity, which leads to sadness instead of happiness, I have worked to focus on the positive. Here are some recent examples from my life:
| Annoying/Negative Event | My Reaction |
|---|---|
| I got off on the wrong bus stop on the way to work | Viewed it as extra exercise that morning (and I ended up bumping into a high school friend!) |
| My Megabus to NYC this weekend was overbooked and the driver wouldn’t let me on | I just waited to get on the next one since I wasn’t in a rush. I ended up getting put on another bus just a couple minutes later |
| I didn’t wake up early enough to workout in the morning for a whole week | I worked out in the evening instead. My gym is in my building so I can go whenever |
| The scanner at school wouldn’t work when I needed to send a time sensitive document | I took a picture of the document. Thankfully, I have a phone that takes decent pictures of documents with the scanner app, so all was fine in the end |
| My residency application submission process was not as smooth as I envisioned (aka…incredibly stressful) | I freaked out, stressed, cried and vented on my IG stories (hey…I’m not perfect lol) |
Funny enough….making the list above was actually really hard. Because I truly have been focusing on the positive in my life, I can’t remember anything else that was bad! #LivingMyBestLife By shifting my thoughts to the positive things in my life – family, health, great friends, the privilege to travel, an apartment that I love…etc etc – I realized being anything but happy would be a shame.
In addition to focusing on more positive thoughts, I’ve adjusted my behaviors to help me to be happy on purpose. You’ve probably heard the saying “stop and smell the roses” more times than you’d like. But that saying exemplifies how I’ve changed my behaviors to be happy on purpose. I have worked toward being more mindful and present in my daily experiences. The birds sound just a bit chirpier, and the sunshine seems a bit brighter when I focus on how these things bring me tiny doses of joy throughout the day. On top of that, I make sure to do the activities that I enjoy. I’ve been exercising almost every day, writing blog posts, and hanging out with friends. These are just some examples of how I use my behaviors to be happy on purpose.
IS HAPPINESS SUSTAINABLE?
The sustainability of happiness depends on a few things. 1) Your definition of happiness 2) Your source of happiness
DEFINING HAPPINESS
I recently came across a definition of happiness that I really like:
Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment.
Some people think of happiness as having a certain amount of money or status, but I think what matters most is your contentment with whatever you have and whoever is in your life. The material things can help increase your happiness, but I don’t think that they can be a source of true happiness.
IDENTIFYING SOURCES OF HAPPINESS
If your happiness is based on a single temporal thing like a relationship, job, or cool experience, your happiness will eventually go away. Relationships (romantic or platonic) ebb and flow, jobs come and go, and experiences are fleeting. So if you focus on just one of these, happiness won’t be sustainable. On the other hand, if you collectively look at all of the small things that bring you joy, happiness can be like a slow IV drip, rather than a large, one-time dose that eventually wears off.
SUMMARY
We all strive for happiness in the pursuit of living our best lives. The gag is, however, that sustained happiness doesn’t just happen. We have to be purposeful about being happy. Yes, there are still bad things that happen. But how we deal with them is what matters most.
So I leave you with this: BE HAPPY ON PURPOSE. It really makes life so much more beautiful.
Peace and blessings,
Atasha Jordan, MD (to be)
